A new beginning

Yesterday was a tough day for me. After eighteen years of living with my oldest son, my husband and I took him to college. The hours leading up to the move in time were nerve wracking. I was filled with emotions ranging from excitement to grief. The move in went smoothly and I felt joy as we said goodbye. He is an amazing young man with a wonderful future ahead of him.

When my husband and I got in the car and drove away from the campus, I remembered the beautiful day in May of 1997 when we left the hospital with him. That’s when the tears started. As I looked at my husband and thought back to that day, I had to laugh remembering how nervous we were. How did eighteen years pass by so quickly when I can clearly remember days that felt like they’d never end?

My husband said we need to give him some space these next few days, but it took a lot of self control not to text him today. I have so many questions that I’m dying to know! Do you like your roommate? How was your new bed? What did you eat?

Mostly, I want to tell him, “I love you.”

I’m finding comfort in this verse today: “For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18, NLT)

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Forgiving the unforgivable

I survived a childhood of physical and emotional abuse from the two people who were supposed to love me the most. My coping mechanism was to avoid (the memories) and deny (that anything was wrong). I struggled with the idea of forgiveness for a long time. I didn’t want to forgive my parents, because I believed that they didn’t deserve it. What I learned was that by forgiving, I was able to release my pain and entrust justice to God. My forgiveness didn’t excuse what they did; it allowed me to stop being the victim.

Outside the classroom

Butterflies

In my upcoming book, I compare my journey of faith to that of the life cycle of a butterfly. When I was young, I had no knowledge of the Bible and the idea of God was just that. I looked forward to sleepovers at a friend’s house that led to a trip to church. As I went off to college, I was a hungry caterpillar, searching for knowledge to feed my curiosity. I began investigating churches and learning about the Bible. At the age of 22 I entered my chrysalis stage as I was baptized and received Communion for the first time. I stayed wrapped up tight in the dark for many years yearning for a personal relationship with Jesus. Unlike a butterfly, that completes the transformation in about 4 weeks, it wasn’t until I was 38 years old that I found what I had been yearning for when my family began attending a new church and it was life changing for us all. For the first time in my life, I felt that I had a true connection and relationship with Jesus Christ. I realized that in all my previous searching, I had really only scratched the surface. I formed a group of friends at church who were excited to bring me alongside and help me mature spiritually. My new butterfly wings were still wet and creased at first, but as my family and I started reading the Bible together, we fully accepted and understood what it meant to believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior. Our lives are now full of worship music, small groups, mission trips, and a love for the Lord that we’d never known before. I have finally completed my metamorphosis and begun to fly!

Definitely worth the wait!

Feeling accomplished

Thirteen months.

390 days.

5 drafts.

34,490 words.

My story is written!

Me, brave?

I’m scared of snakes and don’t like heights. I’m not a big risk-taker, and yet, several people have called me brave recently. My friend sent me this and said it made her think of me. I’ve really never thought of myself as brave. I’m choosing to share my story so that I might be able to help others who may be struggling. I hope that by doing so I can show a real example of God’s grace for us all. Yes, it’s a little bit scary, but not as bad as snakes!

What is faith?

My pastor gave a message about faith this weekend and it got me thinking about my idea of faith and how it has grown over the years.

As a child, I was raised in a home without religion or any mention of God. I was introduced to the idea of God when I had the opportunity to attend church with a friend after a Saturday night sleepover. I remember being in awe as I looked up at the beautiful stained glass windows and did my best to look like I fit in. I asked my parents why we didn’t go to church they replied, “we don’t need that.” As I got older I was drawn to the idea of God.

A God.

My God.

I wondered, “Can he see me? Does he know my secrets? Does he really love me?” When I went to college I started searching for the answers to my questions. As I started reading the Bible, I had a lot of questions. I wanted proof that God existed. How can we be sure that Jesus was who he said he was? As I asked these questions, I would often get frustrated when the answer was, “that is faith.”

I found myself asking, “what is faith?” The dictionary definition of faith is: confidence or trust in a person or thing; a belief not based on proof.

Today I am a fully devoted Christian and I understand that faith means belief. To have faith means to know that something that can’t be seen is true. Those who have faith choose to trust that God is able and willing to do everything that He has promised us. Faithfulness is living a life that pleases God and using all that we have to please Him.

Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. Colossians 1:10 (NLT)

As we know Jesus better, His divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life. 2 Peter 1:3

As I have grown to learn to know God, I have seen the result of living faithfully. I am filled with joy, peace, and patience.

So on this Sunday I ask……What does the word ‘faith’ mean to you?